A terrible dilemma...

In contrast with Stephen Pollard, who has been inundated with hate mail after revealing that he cannot bear to look at or hear Rachel Weisz, I have a slightly different problem.

It would probably be fair to say that Ms Weisz is, to me, something of an idee fixe. I even watched The Mummy Returns on the strength of her appearance in it. It's worse. I watched it twice. Rachel Weisz can make a film watchable purely by virtue of being in it.

But I cannot, will not and never will be able to watch The Constant Gardener. I had to stop reading it because it annoyed me so much and when I saw the trailer, where the inexpressible evil of 'corporations' was revealed by the fact that they, er, are based in large buildings (the UN, I believe, is operated out of a 2 up, 2 down semi in Romford) I realised that even Rachel couldn't make up for the dangerous impact the film would have on my blood pressure (in fact, thinking about it, she'd have made it worse).

There is at present an advert on the Tube for a two-dimensional, predictable thriller. The tagline screams "Are you frightened by Big Corporations? Then this book is for you!" Are more sensible line would be "Are you frightened by Big Corporations? Then grow the fuck up and get a sense of perspective you tiresome whinging little Guardianista. Bastard."